17 November 2012

Test Of The Starstone: The Truth


Those of you who know Golarion, the Pathfinder RPG's default setting will be probably interested in hearing the true story behind the Test Of The Starstone and Ascension of trio of mortals to godhood.

Dramatis Personae: Aroden (God of human culture, innovation and history, the last member of the mankind's first and greatest civilization, ascended prior to described events), Cayden Cailean (adventurer, hero, womanizer and drunk), Iomedae (virtuous if somewhat self-righteous paladin), Norgorber (mysterious thief) and Thais (prostitute with a golden heart, friend and occasional lover of Cayden).

The described events take place in the Starstone Cathedral in the Absalom where Aroden placed the Starstone after he recovered it from the depths of the sea.


Aroden: Behold! I have raised Starstone from the depths of the sea and placed it in the temple of Absalom where the worthy ones can taste my cookies! *Places cookies of divinity on the table*

Norgorber: *sneaks behind the Aroden's back into the temple and steals the cookies of divinity from the table*

Aroden: Dammit! Who stole my cookies?! *bakes another batch of cookies and places them on the table*

Cayden: *stumbles into the temple while drunk* Ooh! Fina-hic-ly! Shom snnach tho my dr-r-r-ynk! *grabs some cookies*

Aroden: Dammit! Cayden, you washed down my cookies WITH ALE?! How could you! Ale does not suit them at all! What barbarian could eat cookies of divinity with anything less than Azlanti semi-sweet red?! When I will be blessed with worthy connoisseur?

Cayden: OHai shweetheart, wanna some? *shares the cookie with Thais before getting to bed with her*

Aroden: You shared the cookie of divinity with whom?!

Cayden: *licks his finger* That was helluva of a cookie! Oh, theres some cr-r-rumbs left... Hey, doggie-doggie, hey doggie-doggie...

Aroden: *facepalm* Why do I even bother...

Iomedae: *enters the temple passes the test, eats the cookie*

Aroden: with anticipation Well, how was it?

Iomedae: Well, a bit undercooked. It could use more cinnamon and some raisins. I would add Arcadian chocolate instead of Vudran coffee too.

Aroden: angered That's it! I quit! Bake them yourself if you think you can do better!

The real proceedings of these three Ascensions were revealed on Paizo messageboard while discussing the circumstances of Cayden making Thais his divine herald. I would like to thank all the participants of that discussion for inspiration.

No comments:

Post a Comment